Achieving BIG goals in 2014

I began this year, 2014, with an enthusiastic determination to do something BIG!  I wanted to make a New Year's Resolution that would change me, that would be incredible, that would be impressive!  I wasn't sure what it would be but I just felt like I could do anything, even reaching a lofty goal whether health-related, diet-related, educational, or doing something new and different in my community.  I thought about a half marathon but that didn't feel exactly right.  I pondered various opportunities for continued personal growth and education but I wasn't inspired to pursue any specific thing.

I did commit myself to very strict dietary rules including eating only whole grains, legumes, vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, natural sugars, spices and a few condiments.  Nothing else would pass my lips.  No refined sugar.  No oils.  No junk food.  No meat or dairy.  No white flour.  I wanted to be the healthiest I had ever been before.  I felt like Superwoman when I was in social situations with desserts.  I passed them over without any regret and looked forward to the healthy treats I had waiting for me at home.  It felt great to be recommitted to my health.  I exercised for about an hour a day as well.  I loved it.

Then Matt and I made the decision to be willing to have another child.  This decision was made after a tremendous amount of talking, planning, praying and internal wrestling with the Spirit.  My journal is filled with pages of thoughts and questions and preparations for the possible ramifications of our family growing in size again.  The timing of the pregnancy had to be perfect because of the severity of my morning sickness.  My sickest weeks must lie within the summer months when Matt is off of school and can take care of house and children-related duties.  As these plans were pondered over and questioned and prayed about and discussed, my heart was slowly turned toward being willing to follow God's counsel to "multiply and replenish the earth."

Matt and I feel that it is a married couple's duty to have and raise children.  Our Father's commandment to Adam and Eve remains in force today.  Of course, every marriage and every family is different and these differences must be considered.  In our personal situation, pregnancy has to be planned.  In our current situation, our marriage is strong.  In my case, I have to feel ready emotionally, physically and mentally.  The decisions relating to family must be made between a husband and a wife and the Lord.  For me, the Lord was prompting me that it was time for us to consider another child.  If I had continued to push those promptings away, I would have been like Jonah trying to run away from God.

This one decision, to have another child, has changed everything (ok, not literally everything, but it changed a lot about my life).  Before the decision I was exquisitely happy with working part-time at the library.  I couldn't have imagined a more perfectly suited job for me and my family.  I never could have  imagined walking away from this awesome opportunity.  Why would I quit something that gave me personal satisfaction?

Another of the great joys in my life is gardening.  I love to plant seeds, to help make edible plants grow, to feed myself and my family from our own organic garden.  I love the summer, even in humid Missouri, because it means delicious fruits and vegetables are abundant.  Experiencing summer while pregnant automatically means that my gardening ability will be severely limited.  (To prove this point, I don't think I even left the house during the entire month of June, unless it was somewhere I had to go like to the doctor's office!  I watched the weeds grow from my bedroom window and there was nothing I could do about it!)

And all of the high hopes and big goals I was ready to fulfill at the beginning of 2014 flew out the window with this one decision.

Here is the point of me writing down these thoughts: I have been completely happy since making the decision!  I have gardened less.  It hasn't been a big deal.  I quit my library job without any regrets.  I have endured the summer months of painful queasiness fairly well.  And I find myself filled with joy and excitement at this new adventure that I couldn't have imagined possible before.

I am so thankful for the vision I had a couple of years ago of me and my family with another baby girl we called Maggie.  I am thankful for Matt's and my relationship which is strong and committed and faithful.  I am thankful for his chosen profession in education which allows us to even consider the option of having more children.  Matt must be home during those several sick weeks of severe nausea and vomiting to take up the slack that I must leave behind in my illness.  I don't know that I ever realized before what a blessing it has been for him to have a job that allows him to help so significantly!

I am thankful for my recent ultrasound which showed me what I already knew: that this baby is a girl.  I am thankful for the gifts we have already received: a crib with pink bedding, baby toys and baby furniture, and baby clothes.

Mostly, I am thankful for this BIG thing that has taken over my year.  I'm doing something I could not have imagined back in January.  I'm creating life.  Could it get any bigger than that?!  I'm following the Spirit.  And I'm thankful for the happiness I feel inside because I am willing to do the Lord's will.

Ode to Chicks

Here is Abby's journal entry 6/29/2014.

Today my chicks died.  A fox killed them.  I can still picture them in my mind.  Always getting into mischief, somehow.  They hated to be separated.  Take one away from the other chicks and if it knew where the others were it would go running.  If it did not know where the others were it would call and call and call till it knew where the others were (running while calling).  Scattering the food, spilling the water, pooping in the food.  They were Harry Houdini at escaping, running, and stranger Harry Houdinis, eating.  They could eat five crumbles in two seconds!  They were just about four or five months old.  They were almost layers!  I miss them a lot.  (Sad face with tears)

I made up two rhymes about foxes, cats, and chicks.

"Cats don't cry, so why should I?
Cats eat chickens so do vixens."

"Cats don't keep chickens.
Same with vixens."

This is Abby's picture.  You can see the chicks all have x's for eyes to signify they're dead.

Here are my (Rhyetta's) comments which I wrote in her journal:

While we were enjoying our dessert for Family Night, Dad called out, "Look at that!"  We all followed his stare out the window to see a tan fox in the backyard by the chicken coop!  The fox saw us too and sauntered away.  Abby went outside immediately to check on her chicks.  Uh-oh.  We could see one, lifeless, surrounded by a pile of feathers by the pear tree.  The other two were nowhere to be found.  I figured the fox had gotten all of them.  Surprisingly, Abby wasn't sad.  She has become used to dealing with her animal's deaths.  I feel sad that we won't get any eggs, especially after Abby has cared for them so well and for so long.  It's hard to keep any kind of bird out here in the country with so many predators.  Abby did a great job raising the chicks.  Their names were: Chick Norris, Super Chick and Slender Chick.

Here are Ella's comments:

abby's chicks were loving and lovable and cuddly, but one thing about them i did not like was that they pooped on me. (laughter)

Here is Ella's picture:

10 weeks along

Well, 10 weeks along and I'm feeling some relief!  I'm generally feeling well in the morning and I can accomplish some chores or projects.  About lunchtime I feel a little sick and I usually end up lying down all afternoon.  But some days are better and I can avoid the queasy factor all afternoon.  For a few days I took a Zofran to help with the evening sickness along with the Unisom and B6 at night.

Yesterday was Sunday and I went to church which was great.  And then I didn't feel sick all afternoon or all evening.  I was tired (exhausted, really) but that's normal.  I cooked dinner!  Homemade butter from a friend who gave us raw milk along with bread.  Cooked cauliflower and armadillos (sweet potatoes with herbs).  I had an appetite again.  We also made chocolate ice milk from the raw milk which was tasty!

But after taking my medicine at bedtime, my stomach churned till 1 am giving me insomnia.  When I got up to eat something, I threw up instead.  Today I've been exhausted just dealing with the bad night. I thought I was going to go to the library with the family this evening but again started feeling queasy in the afternoon and threw up my dinner.

Overall, I'm just grateful for some relief.  Even though I'm not 100% at least I have some time in each day when I feel better.

I've also noticed I'm getting rounder.  My clothes do not fit.  Even my "fat clothes" are tight on me now.  It's hard to swallow when I worked so hard to get out of those fat clothes!  And it's too early to be showing!  Gulp.  That's what eating round the clock and not exercising for 4 weeks will do!

The kids are enjoying their independence

This is Rhyetta typing.



I'm in bed all day and all night.  I make an appearance once or twice a day in the living room.  I try to sit on the couch and say a sentence or two to each child.  Then I feel a wave of nausea strike me and I must withdraw to my sanctuary for privacy and for peace.



Matt has been caring for me and taking care of the house and taking care of the kids.  But the kids have enjoyed a lot of independence this summer.  No nagging mother to remind them of their chores.  No motivating mother to entice them to an educational activity.  They play together.  They play apart.  They read a lot.  They play the piano.  They build legos.  They splash through puddles in the driveway.  They ride bikes and splash themselves with mud.  They have screen time in the afternoon.  They do a lot that I don't even know about because I am hiding in my room focusing all of my energy on enduring this illness.



But I've caught a couple kids doing things on their own that they wouldn't have done if I had asked them.  Like Kian reading "Beowulf," making notes in the margins with a pencil.  He picked that book up on his own. And I've never seen him make notes in a book before.



And Ella practicing songs on the piano over and over and over and over again.  These are songs she's never played before.  She's only using one hand to pick out the melody, but still I am impressed with her interest and commitment.



Abby participated in a 2-week drama camp this summer.  She paid for it herself and she absolutely loved the experience.  She sang her songs so often that Klaus now sings them spontaneously.  She talked about certain boys fighting over her to be her "buddy," until "Olivia came to my rescue!"



Felicity attended a birthday party last Saturday that only she was invited to.  I realized that she is now old enough to go to a social function on her own.  When she recently had a well child checkup, Matt said she made the doctor laugh with her replies to her questions.  She asks me every so often if there is anything she can get for me and acts genuinely sad when there isn't.



Klaus is probably the only one suffering from the lack of Mommy's attention.  He'll burst into my room and see me and smile, hold my hand and lovingly tell me, "You're not sick, Mommy."  Then he'll get mad that I'm not going to play trains with him and act out in some way.



I just had to get these little moment written down so they wouldn't be forgotten.

A Magic Pill Part 2

The first couple of doses of Zofran worked wonders. I was so optimistic that I registered my family to attend a special performance of King Arthur at the library in Liberty that night. Then I started getting sick in the afternoon. And the headache that was bugging me in the morning but went away came back with a vengeance. And the food I was trying to keep in my stomach would not stay there! Matt took the kids without me because they begged him to while I stayed home and threw up, and threw up, and threw up some more. Now I was sick, hungry, thirsty, and headache-y. It was so miserable that I went to bed. I kept myself absolutely still and I kept it pitch dark. I took a few sips of water and a bite of banana. When that stayed down, I ate the banana and had a few more sips. When that stayed down, I took a Tylenol. And I told myself a thousand times, "Keep the food down. When the Tylenol dissolves, my headache will too." I wondered about going to the hospital because I was so thirsty but since some water was staying down I didn't need to. At 4 am I woke up and gave praise that my headache was gone! I stayed absolutely still and then took my Unisom and Vitamin B6 combo because that seems to work better at keeping food in my belly than the Zofran. Then I slept all morning long thanks to my husband who cares for me so well. No more magic Zofran. The side effects are too painful and it doesn't keep the nausea or vomiting away. :(

A Magic Pill

I thought Week 8 was going to be a little better than Week 7. I actually felt nausea-free for 1-2 hours each morning. I went to church on Sunday morning! But Sunday afternoon/evening/night I was sicker than I have ever been. It wasn't just nausea, it was painful, tortuous queasiness, endless twisting and turning of my stomach with no relief. Then Monday I felt awful, just trying to recover from Sunday plus nausea 24/7. Tuesday Matt drove me to the new doctor's office we're going to attend this time around. I visited with a nurse and really felt good about their practices during pregnancy and delivery. Tuesday afternoon/evening/night was horrible again. The only time I feel relief is when I watched a movie and could keep my mind off of the illness. I stood up to go to the living room for family prayer. But as I was sitting on the couch waiting for everyone to gather, a wave of nausea brought me right back to my bedroom to kneel in a different kind of prayer, if you know what I mean. Wednesday I didn't even feel good after I had eaten. Usually I have a few minutes when there's something in my stomach when I'm not sick, but I felt sick whether I was eating or not eating. I decided I couldn't handle it anymore. I decided to call my new doctor's office and ask for something else to help with the sickness. The nurse said yes, they can give me something that might help. You put it under your tongue and let it dissolve. Take it every 8 hours. She called a prescription in to my pharmacy immediately and Matt picked it up for me. It's a magic pill! It's called Zofran. It's for cancer treatment patients and patients after surgery. It's Category B for pregnancy which means there are no studies that confirm risk to the baby. I researched online and found a lot of women with healthy babies who used it during their pregnancy. Within an hour of taking it, I was nausea-free. I still felt tired, but not sick. It was amazing! Matt took the kids to the park last night so I had the house to myself and I actually cleaned out the school workboxes and gathered supplies for next year's school year. I couldn't have done that before, no way! The best part, however, was during the night. Last night, I went to bed about 10:30 pm… normally I'd be up at midnight either throwing up or eating a snack, then at 3 am, then at 6 am. Last night, I slept all night long. No nausea at all! I woke up at 5 am, hungry! It was awesome. I'm actually still in bed (and it's 10 am) because of a headache and fatigue. But no more nausea!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Trimester Fun

I always get extreme morning sickness. Some coworkers of mine jovially joked, "Maybe the 6th time's the charm!" Unfortunately, this time is no different. If anything, it's worse! The strangest thing this time around, as I've already mentioned to my family, is the necessary nighttime nibbling. In addition to eating every 2-3 hours during the day, I have to eat every 2-3 hours at night. I wake up starving and sick, grab some crackers or a piece of fruit, eat it, brush my teeth and go back to bed for a few more hours of sleep. Last night was my worst night yet. I spent the whole evening with my stomach churning and gurgling and nausea to the extreme. I just wished I could throw up. I just hoped I could. I tried!! And I cried!! Then, just after midnight, I woke up retching! Talk about making a girl jump out of bed! I still didn't throw up but I felt so ill I knew I couldn't fall asleep again till my stomach calmed down a bit so I grabbed a banana. Halfway through eating it, FINALLY, my body decided it had had enough and let me throw up. It was so satisfying! As soon as I finished, I ate the rest of my banana, then another one, drank some water, brushed my teeth and headed back to bed for what I hoped would be nausea-free slumber. Nope, I was up again at 3 something, this time eating some crackers and zoning out on Facebook. Back to bed, up again at 6 am. Another banana, back to bed. It is the strangest thing, truly. The good news is that I made an appointment for the doctor next Tuesday.