The Minority

There are many things that may seem unfair we encounter every day, but when we are in the minority some things just happen. Such is life and we deal with it and move on.

After Rhyetta gave birth to Nikolaus, I decided that it would be time to grow some facial hair. As the weeks passed, Rhyetta would ask, "When are you going to shave?" My response was, "When you ask me to." Last Friday (January, 14 2011) during dinner I asked the family if they think I should shave. Opinions were shared and it was taken to a vote. Rhyetta, of course, raised her hand for me to shave. What was a surprise was Abby, Ella, and Felicity followed suit. Kian and Nikolaus were the only ones that sided with me. The votes were cast: 4 to 3 for me to shave. Girls against the boys. We boys are in the minority in our family, so I better be careful on what we vote for around here. There are just so many things to get used to around here, and add this to the list, eh?

A reading milestone

We've reached a milestone! Kian has officially read his first novel. How can that be, you ask? He's 9 years old already and he reads all the time... Yet it is true; this is the first fiction book he has read from cover to cover. He spends a lot of time reading 1,000-page computer manuals (and understands them). He enjoys perusing Calvin and Hobbes books. And he has picked up stories before but I've only ever seen him read selections--the parts of the books that look interesting to him. So, that's why I can say we've reached a milestone! He read the whole book from first page to last page and he loved it! What was the book he thought was so "awesome" that kept his interest for 350 pages? Grandma Musser introduced our family to the Fablehaven series. Grandma read them while she was here. Then I read 'em and loved 'em. And now Kian (and Abby) love them too.

The strange thing is how fast he read the book. I've already noticed he has somewhat of a photographic memory. Remember how when he was 6 years old he had the whole book of Ether from the Book of Mormon memorized?! He read the entire Fablehaven book in 2-3 hours. I quizzed him yesterday to find out how much he comprehended, and he answered all of my questions correctly! He reads faster than I do. It's incredible. These kids are so smart!

Since we're on the topic of reading, I'll tell you of a new joy of reading I've discovered. If you've never sat next to Ella and listened to her read selections from Calvin and Hobbes, you're missing something. She pronounces all the sounds in the comic like "gurgle", "glug", "piff" etc. And those large vocabulary words that the illustrator includes are so funny coming from this 5-year-old girls mouth. She sat next to me yesterday to read to Nikolaus because she thought he'd like it. But don't worry, she didn't read any of the comics with monsters because that would've been too scary for him! These kids are so sweet!

Finally, I'd like to give a book recommendation and a movie recommendation. Are you excited? Even better than Fablehaven and almost as good as Harry Potter is another series I just started called "Percy Jackson and the Olympians." I'm on book 4 of the series. They are very fun and full of adventure. You might like them too! Also, on recommendation from Grandma Musser, we as a family watched the movie "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" with Nicolas Cage. It was just what a movie should be: fun and funny. I highly enjoyed it and would recommend it to anyone. It reminded me of "National Treasure" which is one of our favorites but more appropriate for younger kids.

I'm amazed I had 10 minutes to write this post. Ella and Felicity are currently entertaining the baby and getting a little wild so I will stop.

It's Not Candy, It's Chocolate

During all of our Christmas morning activities, Ella has just made some really funny comments. While I was trying to sleep, I heard Ella go into their bathroom with much glee. She was exclaiming things like, "I am a junk food man, a junk food girl," "I am going to have candy, candycandycandycandycandy, candy."

While getting things ready for lunch, I told the kids no more candy. Ella is persistent in getting me to open a piece of candy for Felicity. I continue to tell her no and then she says, "Daddy, it's not candy! It's Chocolate!!"

Blessings for goodies on Christmas morning.

Klaus' first week

Every day is something new around here. Baby Klaus is great! He's healthy and strong. He's a really good nurser. In fact, when he's rooting for milk he makes a sound just like a little piggie. The kids think it's hilarious!

At first we had to wake him from a deep sleep every few hours to eat to make sure he didn't sleep his life away. I had to be mean and put a cold, wet washcloth on his skin to wake him up enough, but it was the only thing I could do that would work!

Then he turned yellow, I mean really yellow. I knew he had jaundice, just didn't know how bad. When we went to the doctor yesterday for a checkup, he tested his blood and his bilirubin level was high enough to warrant using phototherapy and pumping lots of fluids into him. Here's a picture of him hooked up to his new belt. In another picture you can see that even his eyes are yellow! Thankfully, we can do the phototherapy from home. I really didn't want to go to the hospital to put him under the lights just before Christmas! We went through that with Felicity three years ago.

He was quite a screamer for a few days of his life. He would wake up screaming, scream so hard that he couldn't nurse and then scream whenever he stopped nursing till he fell asleep. It was getting a little stressful around here. The kids would look at me like, "Can't you keep that baby quiet?" They would have to leave the room to play or have a conversation with each other. But since giving him extra fluids he's mellowed out quite a bit. In fact, last night he was quietly alert for 30 minutes or so! He was just laying in my arms and staring at me and staring all around. It was so fun to see him with his eyes open and happy!

Here are a few more pictures. Enjoy!

Nikolaus Knight Musser

The Story From Matt's Perspective
Wednesday night, Rhyetta and I finished celebrating her and Felicity's birthday by watching Eclipse and baking breadsticks for work. After the movie was over, around 1:00,  she commented on how she felt funny. We went to bed, but she woke me up at 3:00 am telling me that she thinks labor has started. We thought about what to do, and finally decided to call our friend, Dee, who would come and help. We then were up and doing things to get ready for the possibility of birth. From 3:00 to about 7:00, we were setting up the birthing pool in our bedroom and deciding how to fill it. I grabbed a pot from the kitchen so I could begin filling it. Dee mentioned to me, "Are you really going to fill it with a pot?" I then got the frozen hose from the backyard (I had just told Rhyetta that I needed to get it out of the yard). I was running around from one thing to the next trying to figure out how to get the frozen sprinkler off the hose to how to unthaw the hose. Running hot water over frozen things is a much better option that filling pots with hot water. Thankfully, Dee guided me along to more sensible decisions. Once everything was ready to go, the waiting started. We used our prior birth experiences thinking things would go fast, but not this time. Rhyetta wanted to have the baby, but, rightfully so, was scared of the pain she would experience.
Experience told us to go for a walk to get things moving. This didn't work this time. Experience would tell us to be up on your feet to get things going, but yet again not this time. Several different options presented themselves to us to help get things moving. Rhyetta hesitantly moved forward with getting her membranes stripped to taking cohosh pills. After taking the cohosh, Dee and her assistant, Christina, left to go home to freshen themselves up. It was probably a half-hour to an hour when Rhyetta's contractions really picked up in frequency and intensity (they were 3 minutes apart lasting about 20 secs.). OK, now were talking!!! Baby would be here soon because experience told us once labor starts and the contractions were there things would happen. Well... not so this time. Rhyetta wanted to get into the pool of hot water to help take the pain away. I filled the pool with hot water and in she went. At first, she said the pain went away and wondered if she would feel the contractions. After awhile she felt them and felt them strong. I called Dee and gave her an update, and she would be on her way back. It was about 2:00 when Dee was back and Rhyetta was in pain. For the next two hours things would only intensify and get worse. The hot water seemed to stop working and she had already been working so hard, tiredness begun to set in. Rhyetta would shift positions in the pool to help relieve her back pain, but her eyes were closed. She was getting discouraged at the length of labor. Encouraging words from Dee or myself seemed to take no effect. Pain and tiredness were more powerful forces. Dee suggested Rhyetta take more cohosh to help things continue, and this was done.
I have been an active participant for all of my kids births, but this one takes the cake. At this point in Rhyetta's labor, it seemed all I could do was sit on the floor quiet and do and say nothing. I would hold her hand when strong contractions came, but that was it. Rhyetta, in a moment of wanting to be distracted from the pain requested a movie. A movie, ELF, was started and for moments it seemed more of a distraction than a help. Rhyetta commented that she felt the need to push, but I could tell this was something she dreaded more than the actual pain of contractions. This is what she feared the most and it showed in words and actions. In what seemed like an attitude on my part of "Come on and let's get this over with so you won't be in anymore pain" came words of the like. These were words of encouragement more than anything else. Rhyetta was mentally and physically tired, but she gathered the strength to push. She wanted to know what position would work the best. I was asked by Dee, "Do you have a pair of shorts?" I answered that I did. She said, "Get them on and get in the water so you can hold her up." I quickly got on some shorts and stepped in the water. Rhyetta was instructed to stand up and put all her weight on me and concentrate on pushing. So there I was, holding Rhyetta's full body weight while telling her to push. Thank goodness I have two ears because she was screaming in my ear so loud I thought it would pop. Three good pushes and my leg was wet from her water breaking and then another gush of body birth fluids all over my leg. Baby was out, Rhyetta collapsed with exhaustion into the water and baby was laid on her chest.
The girls had been knocking on the door throughout the day asking, "Did mommy have the baby yet?" They were told that they would definitely know when that time came. However, Ella came knocking on the door asking if the baby was born. I opened the door to find not just Ella, but Felicity standing with anticipation. They heard the screaming and the noise. They came into the room to see their new brother. Felicity was very hesitant, and scared to see her mommy and this new life. I left the room, emotions unrestrained, to gather Kian and Abby so they too could welcome their new brother. My emotions were reined back in, and then I joined in on the jubilation. Everyone could finally breathe a sign of relief, but none greater than Rhyetta's.
This was the only birth that there was no smile on her face after baby being born. She was completely exhausted and her look and reaction told me in plain English, "DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This was later vocally expressed, but the look was enough for me. Rhyetta stayed, resting in the pool for about 30 minutes until she was ready to deliver the placenta. This was another experience not to be forgotten, for I was actually involved in this process. There was no prior experience in this for me. I assisted Rhyetta getting showered off and dressed. She was finally able to climb into bed and rest. I was able to cut the cord and we left the room leaving Rhyetta resting.
The process of birthing our babies has always been a shared experience, in some degree, between Rhyetta and I. I am glad that we were able to have Nikolaus at home. I would much rather have been at home than at a hospital. Rhyetta feels somewhat different now. This labor took both of us by surprise. It was more long, painful and indeed hellish than anticipated. It will be one that will not be forgotten, but an experience we do not want to have again.

From Rhyetta's Perspective:
We had just finished celebrating my and Felicity's birthdays, when I felt the first real feelings of labor starting with our new baby!  By 3 in the morning, I felt certain enough that this was real labor to wake up Matt, call our friend Dee who helped us deliver the baby and call my mom to help with the kids.  I wanted to be checked to know if this was real or not.  If it was, we'd have a baby by morning!

I was at 5 cm dilated when Dee checked me at 4 am.  Not as far as I thought I would be, but progress would be quick, I felt sure.  It turned out, progress nearly stopped till noon!  What was going on?  This had never happened before.  Usually I delivered so quickly.  It all felt strange.  The kids who had woken up to a house full of people (my mom being here, Dee, and her assistant and her assistant's baby) were told that today was the day mommy was going to have a baby!  By this point they were asking, "Are you really going to have a baby today?"  It just felt like a party with all of us hanging out together.  I wanted things to progress but they just weren't.

I didn't want another sleepless night.  I didn't want to wait it out that long so I took some herbs and got my membranes stripped to get things going.  Maybe that's what made the whole experience more painful, I'm not sure, but it turned out to be my most difficult labor, one that I WON'T forget, and do not ever want to experience again.  The contractions started again and they were really happening now.  I got my bedroom cleaned up and ready and it felt like progress was really going quick.  We called Dee and her assistant to come back over (as they had gone home to get showered and changed) because the contractions were seriously painful now.  Whenever I had gotten to this point before, I was ready to push.  I felt sure, I would be pushing the baby out very soon.  It was around 1 pm.

When Dee checked me, I was at a 7!  How discouraging!  How could I be experiencing such intense contractions and only be at a 7?  I labored in the birth pool, breathing and moaning through heavy contractions every 2 minutes.  I felt tired.  No, I felt exhausted.  I couldn't even keep my eyes open.  When I did, I looked at Matt or Dee and thought terrible things like, "Quit telling me I'm doing a good job!"  All I could think about was getting rid of this pain!  If I was at a hospital, I could've had an epidural.  But I had no options being at home.  I thought the warmth of the water would be enough of a pain relief to me, but laboring in the pool was more painful.  I don't know why exactly.  This whole pregnancy has been so much harder than any others either.  Maybe I'm just older now.

Anyway, after what felt like years (I'm not kidding) and pain beyond anything I've ever felt before, I was FINALLY ready to push.  It was probably 4:15 pm.  I didn't know what to do, where to go, or what position to get into because I was in such agony.  I couldn't imagine pushing the baby out (because that's the part that always hurts the most) and yet at the same time I had to get the baby out.  This had to be over or else I would die.

I thought I would move to the bed but I couldn't.  Dee had Matt join me in the pool.  I hung on to him with all my body weight and screamed that baby out.  Thank God he came out quickly.  He kind of dropped into Dee's hands, she lowered him into the pool and out again.  And then I dropped into the pool, so thankful for it to be over.

"Please," I said to Matt and everyone there really, "Please, please don't let me go through that again.  I know all women say that who just finished labor, but I really, really mean it.  Please, never, ever let me experience that again."  I mean it.  This was more difficult than what Matt and I have gone through before.  I haven't mentioned much about Matt so far, but he was so available to me through this whole ordeal.  I know it was physically demanding on him to be such a help for me in such a long labor.  And the screaming part and holding me up part during pushing must have been extremely difficult for him.  I feel so much closer to him after experiencing something like this together.  I'm thankful we survived it.  And now we have a beautiful baby to enjoy!

This morning when I woke up I wondered if the previous day was real.  Did that really happen?  What  a nightmare!  I'm so glad it's over.  I'm so glad that our baby is here!

Now I just feel like celebrating.  Matt is home for his Christmas break a week early.  I'm not pregnant anymore.  We can just enjoy this season, being together as a family and celebrating Christmas together. 

The kids just love him.  We all do.  He's sleepy and hard to wake up to nurse often enough, but I'm sure he'll get the hang of it soon enough.  He's heavy (he was 8 lb 10 oz) and has a double chin already.  His skin is so soft, his hair is so cute and soft (looks brown to me), he smells so wonderful, he's just perfect.  It will be wonderful to have another baby boy around here.

I realize this experience doesn't promote home birth like I normally would.  Felicity's birth was so comfortable and easy.  It was a wonderful birthing experience at home.  This was far different for some reason, as the entire pregnancy has been.  I still value home birth and would recommend it to some.  This time, however, I would have liked some pain relief because the pain was so much more intense and lengthened.

Introducing Dr. Kian Musser

Dr. Musser with his enthusiastic 6th grade audience

On Wednesday, November 24, 2010, I had a guest scientist come into my classroom to conduct some science experiments on chemical changes. Three experiments were conducted in the midst of 50 sixth grade students. With the students huddled closely to a small table where the experiments were to be conducted Dr. Musser was introduced to the group. Donning his white lab coat and chemical samples, Dr. Musser began. His first experiment was mixing baking soda and vinegar together. The captive audience recorded their observations and the baking soda and vinegar bubbled and fizzed to the top of a clear plastic container. The second experiment Dr. Musser performed consisted of mixing iron nitrate, and sodium ferrocyanide in water. The result was clear water turning a deep shade of blue right before an awestruck audience. Dr. Musser's last experiment was to be the most exciting and somewhat unexpected (Kian and I had conducted this experiment at home, so we knew what should happen). A tin container was filld with some water, and a piece of potassium was removed from the bottle and dried of its mineral oil bath. I, Dr. Musser's assistant, while using a metal science spatula, placed the potassium in the water. Quickly it spattered, caught fire, smoked, and ferociously moved about in the water. All of this was to be expected. However, when it started to pop and explode on to the table, student papers, and other places this was not an expected reaction. The audience scrambled away from the table in pure excitement. They wondered where they could get some potassium, how he knew all of this stuff, etc. He loved it; they loved it; it was an awesome experience for all.

Forgiving Ourselves

At some point in my journey in motherhood, I've learned to forgive myself. I don't know when exactly it happened. Was it with the first baby? Or when I had the second? Was it when I had to give up nursing Felicity? That took a lot of forgiveness.

It's probably been a gradual process, a lesson learned deeper with each child. Now I'm expecting my fifth baby--only 5 weeks to go. I find myself often thinking, "It's alright... It's because you're pregnant... You deserve it... Better to just let it go... Just try your best, it's all you can do... Don't worry about it... If it's important, you can do it tomorrow... Don't feel guilty... and all sorts of other phrases that excuse me from feeling guilty about whatever it is I'm thinking about.

I've just wondered if this is a good thing. I realized yesterday I'm not studying the gospel anymore. I read the scriptures and hear the prophets and I enjoy what I read and hear but I don't think deeply on a subject anymore. I don't even feel like I can! I don't contribute to gospel discussions in sunday school. I sometimes don't even go to Relief Society because I might cry. I wonder if I forgive myself so much that I'm losing something.

But forgiving myself keeps me sane. Otherwise, when I stay up late at night with insomnia playing Sudoku puzzles I would feel frustrated with myself and my life. Now, I just say to myself, Don't stress; tomorrow will be a sick day. Or when I catch myself raising my voice to the kids, I just remember, Quiet time is not too far away and I can pray harder for patience tomorrow! Or, when I haven't planned a ward activity for several months and that is my calling, I think, Maybe next year will be better!

Do we sometimes excuse ourselves too much?

You know, it doesn't really matter anyway, does it?! I cope; I survive; I try to remember to enjoy it.