A New Normal

Our lives have changed with Matt's diagnosis.  Our routines have been interrupted.  Our health habits are changing.  What is normal anymore?  The big, bad "C" word has descended upon our lives.  Sarcoma is a diagnosis for a lifetime.  Even if treatment, whether it's surgery, chemo or radiation therapy, gets rid of all detectable cancer cells in Matt's body, sarcoma can return any time and any where.  Can a sarcoma warrior ever feel completely whole?  Or will there always linger a concern that this cruel cancer will strike again?

Matt has doctor appointments with a myriad of specialists.  He has tests currently scheduled and more tests in the future that remain to be scheduled.  He has another surgery.  He has other treatment options to discuss and decide upon.  During the days he is not being seen at some kind of medical facility, he goes to work as "normal."  But because of the two weeks he missed from the first surgery in September, he is playing catch up with grading and planning.  He goes into work very early and stays late at work to keep afloat, but he still has so much to do that he feels like he's drowning.  The good thing about being busy at work is that it keeps him from dwelling on the cancer diagnosis.  But his new normal is a lot of medical intervention and missed school and playing catch up at work.  And cancer.

I haven't even mentioned the new diet he agreed to follow (to make me happy) which I researched, planned and carefully prepare for him (to keep him alive longer).  We are both eating a super-duper healthy diet which includes only anticancer foods:

* Leafy greens galore
* Cruciferous vegetables
* Tomatoes
* Garlic, onions, etc
* Yellow and orange vegetables
* Berries, citrus fruits and juices and stone fruits
* All veggies except corn and potatoes
* Limited starchy vegetables such as pumpkin, sweet potatoes and winter squash
* Nuts and seeds
* Legumes
* Grass-fed meat and cage-free eggs (very limited)
* Certain fish such as salmon but we don't like these anyway
* Soy products including tofu and soy dairy
* 1 1/2 oz of greater than 70% dark chocolate per day
* Very limited multigrains

My priorities have shifted post-diagnosis from 1) homeschooling, 2) cleaning house, and 3) as much cooking as I could fit in to 1) cooking healthy, 2) cleaning, and 3) as much homeschooling as I can fit in.  At this point we don't do much formal school though I do a reading lesson and preschool with Klaus most days and the kids play, play, play and read, read, read constantly.  They do go to co-op once a week where they study subjects including physics, crochet, small business, geography, literature and multiplication facts.

I have had no ability to focus on home school.  The word cancer seems to invade every thought throughout the day and night.  There's no room to think of anything else.  I am processing it, I realize.  Some days I weep a lot.  Most days I feel good and strong.  But even on good days I can't focus on school work.  I focus on projects and cleaning and cooking and keeping the household running.  When will I feel normal again?   Will it ever be normal again?  What will the new normal be anyway?  We are all discovering our new routine.  Thank goodness we can discover it together.